How I Respond To Fear

From the outside I may seem to be a fearless strong woman, but I am very normal and feel fear the same way you do. I thought it may be helpful to share the way I feel fear and how I do my best to face it instead of letting it run my life or keep from doing things that I desire to do.

I will first start out by saying the only true way to build confidence in anything is through repetition. For example, when I made the decision that I wanted to learn how to surf when I was around twenty four years old, I didn’t just make an attempt to surf once on the weekend each week and expect to get comfortable in the ocean. I firmly decided that I would make time to travel the forty five minutes it took (one way) to drive the only beach that I felt comfortable in the beginning of learning to surf. I made myself get my butt in the water each day of the week after I would finish my work day on the ship. This story of learning how to surf may not be relatable to most people because the nature of the sport, but you can substitute anything in there for example: walking, running, riding a bike, jump rope, swimming, yoga, etc… you get the idea. If you truly want to face the fear of not knowing how to do something it takes a daily commitment to adding that as a new thing in your life.

I would like to share my EXTREME FEAR of speaking in front of people. This topic, I feel will be more relatable for everyone. I have heard that studies show people are more afraid of public speaking than any other thing in the world. When I was in fourth or fifth grade we had a show and tell demonstration at school. I was going to attempt to show how to make a pin cushin out of some materials. Well, I don’t even remember if I got one word to come out of my mouth to the crowd of parents and students because I cried so intense during my time in front of the crowd - it was horrible. I literally bawled like a baby and was humiliated.

Fast forward even into my adult life, I struggled with being very insecure in general around ANYONE and would deal with this insecurity by drinking alcohol to cope with my uncomfortable feelings. As you know, that is not a very good idea. I would learn to overcome my fear of speaking by using my work opportunities to put myself in a position where I had to speak to a group of people. When I was in my younger twenties, I decided to start learning how to workout and become a fitness “go-to” person and this led me to an opportunity to lead group exercise for my co-workers and the people in the Navy who needed extra assistance in health and wellness/fitness areas of life. I used these opportunities to put my terrified self in front of people and speak.

Oh boy……. I’ll never forget a HUGELY embarrassing moment in 2008. I was on my final interview in Hawaii for Sailor of the Year of Pacific Fleet. I had to stand before about seven or eight master chiefs (old high ranking dudes) and be asked a set of questions from the entire panel. I was so terrified of being in this position - I started to cry before it was halfway over. I lost control of myself and I felt so ridiculous. Reminder; I was 28 or 29 years old at this point. TERRIFIED……..

In 2010, I took my first job on an aircraft carrier and this was WAY overswhelming for me. I had a division of about 87-90 people that would stand in the hangar bay each morning. I had no idea how this would make me feel and needless to say, this is the year I started drinking again (not a good idea) Apparently, I was expected to talk to them about the day - HOLY SHIT! I would shake at my knees each morning as I pretended to have my shit together. I am sure that they could all feel my insecurities and I hated this time in my life. I was miserable and tired of pretending to be confident. I was so insecure inside.

Luckily (after my first big meltdown in 2010 where I was arrested) The next year in 2011 I was lucky enough to get stationed for about 9 months in North Carolina at an Army base. I thought I was going to be going to Iraq to help out there, but was blessed they needed me at the post in N.C. I started practicing yoga every single day and this is where the magic started to happen in life, during and at the end of classes each day - I was able to allow my tears of sadness and insecurity to flow from my eyes and out of my body and energy field and I started to feel better and better about myself. Also, later that year in August and September I took my very first Yoga Teacher Training with Yax Yoga Concepts.

Fast forward to the following years of getting to teach yoga ANY and EVERY opportunity I could get - my confidence of speaking in front of a group would grow a tiny bit stronger with each class. However, let me tell you - the first class I ever taught in a studio in Jax Beach Florida in 2014 - I WAS SHAKING in my body and in my voice. I was terrified. At this point, I had already been teaching yoga for about 2 full years in the Navy and I was still scared and full of fear. Even now, in 2019 if you put me in front of a group of people, I am nervous, I have fear, I have sweaty armpits, my voice will shake, and I blackout sometimes because of the intense fear.

I want anyone that knows me and feels that I am so confident (because of what you may think you know about me) to know that even after all of the YEARS I have purposely put myself in front of groups speaking, teaching, coaching - I AM STILL FULL OF FEAR.

FEAR is ALWAYS there for me, when I travel, when I surf, when I am alone in a new place, when I teach a class - I respond to the FEAR by feeling the fear and continuing to do what I am doing anyways!!!! This is the way I RESPOND to FEAR - FACE IT - FEEL IT - DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. No-one is exempt from fear, I feel that we are all feeling the same things, however, the only thing that separates people who don’t do what they dream of doing in life is not following that desire to the finish. My suggestion in facing your fear is to become aware when you feel it, give it your attention and acknowledge it, maybe even say thank you, and make a decision to trust that you are worth the growth that fear will give you on the other side of facing it. No one else is stronger than you are, I am not stronger than anyone else; I have just determined that I would rather face my fear and feel it, rather than to live my life looking back and regretting not traveling, surfing, talking to strangers, going after my dreams, etc. I also know that you are strong enough to face your fears and accomplish anything you desire!!

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