Empty Rooms

As the rooms in my home get emptied and cleaned out, I feel better.  This is a great reminder to me that we are not defined by the things we own, the job we have, the place we live - we are brilliant without any of those things.  Each and every person is a beautiful ball of light with a special purpose.  My purpose through all of this experience is to love myself without being anything but myself.  Which makes me want to share why I stopped teaching yoga back in late March.  

For many years in the Navy, I was something to people.  I felt needed and respected based on what I could do for others.  This isn't a bad thing in life, however, I feel it is easy to get accustomed to needing to be validated by others for what we provide to the world.  After the Navy role was finished, I continued to teach yoga at my local studio.  Teaching yoga has always been something I really enjoyed, however, I was noticing that the super driven, competitive nature that lies deep within my soul was coming out in the yoga part of my life and I didn't like the way it made me feel.  I was comparing myself to other teachers, trying to find ways to set myself apart from the teachings and I even noticed myself being super critical of myself and others.  These are all part of my dark side and I wanted to share that.  There is a great teacher (she passed away) Debbie Ford and her work encourages us to become clear of our shadow self and get to know it instead of trying to deny it or hide it from the world.  

When I stopped teaching yoga earlier this year, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I WAS NOTHING TO NOONE.  I held no title, no special qualification, nothing cool to say when someone ask me what do you do?  I needed to feel what this is like and learn to stop thinking I need validation from my work or contribution to the world in order to feel special.  I have been working to understand that I am special by just being alive and so are you.  We all are special, we all are beautiful works of art, and we all will continue to make the world a better place for everyone if we can first see ourselves in this light and only then after we love ourselves, can we truly love another.