Escape or Adventure?
I recently took a last minute trip to Hawaii to visit my friend of 15 years. It was totally unexpected and spontaneous and I felt so alive and fulfilled to be able to take the trip that lasted for about 7 days. Was I escaping my life/responsibilities or did I say yes to an adventure? The reason I ask this question (and I still don’t really know the answer) is because the week before I had a session with a healer and the comment was made that my moving around and not having a “home” is some sort of escape tactic. That kind of threw me for a loop and I haven’t really taken that fully on as wisdom yet because I don’t necessarily feel that way.
Since I was a teenager, I have always been committed to things. When I was in school, I was committed to concert and marching band since the fifth grade. I was always committed to sports and spending house and days and months practicing to be able to do very well at sports. When I was old enough, I started working right away to learn how to be a good citizen, and then I joined the navy at 18 and have been doing the right thing ever since by being committed to that system. Before I even got out of the Navy, I was enrolled and attending follow on education and for the past year, I have been committed to that. Oh, and I forgot to mention the countless extra curricular activities and achievements that I was committed to in order to gain “acceptance” by society and my peers and my family. (or so I thought)
Deep down in my soul there is a desire of adventure, a desire to go places, and do things without needing to have things all figured out. I feel that I was just following my souls desire in taking this trip, however, the words from my healer are very lightly ringing in my ears. I do have to say that I have always liked to get advice and wisdom from people and I do listen, however, I am feeling now is the time for me to really tap into my own heart and soul more than ever.
Funny enough, I received a message from a woman that I have never officially met. She is from my hometown (I rode the school bus with her now husband) she said something in the line of “I love my husband, I love my kids, and I do what society expects of me, but Terrish you are following your heart and I admire that.” I didn’t get that message until yesterday when I put instagram back on my phone since taking a long break from having it on there to help with distraction. I thought it was a cool message for me to get at this time in my life when I am taking leaps of faith and trusting that I am following my heart even if I have no clue what I am doing.
I did cancel a lot of appointment and dates to run off to Hawaii for seven days, however, I had to decide what was more important. My heart tells me that people who really love me and care for me would understand the need for following my heart. I have to make my own decisions in how I want to live my life. This is the challenge for everyone now. How are you living? Why are you living this way? Why do you feel you need to live a certain life? Are you truly inspired and fulfilled on a daily basis? Or, Do you wish you could take a vacation from your life on a regular basis?
I don’t want to live a life that I feel I need to take a vacation from, I want to live life like it is a precious vacation. Not a vacation where you spend to much money, eat to much food, and drink to many cocktails….. I want to live life that is filled with adventure, having inspiring conversations, and I want to learn more about who I am without a job title or a specific skill that I have to offer people. I want to just “be” and go from there. I am not saying that I will live the rest of my life this way, but for now (in this present moment) this is what I desire. I want to let my hair down, be in the sun, and not feel that I have to “tough it out” for the future. I am completely over that shit - I don’t want to live my life wishing for the future like I did while I was in the Navy.
Now is the time to live, now is the time to say YES and trust that following JOY is what is meant to be. Everything we need is inside of us, nothing outside of us will make us happy. Happiness is a way of living, not some destination. May you remember that you get to choose how you live and the hard part is UNLEARNING what you have been programmed to believe is right for you, and take the time to figure it out for yourself (by yourself).
