Back on the "Mainland"
When you are in Hawaii, we don’t call the United States the “states” since Hawaii is a part of it. Islanders call the 48 states, the “Mainland.” I am back in Washington for the time being and I feel pretty happy to be here. I really enjoyed my last few days on Oahu surfing and spending time with my friend Zach, as well as spending time getting colonics from the best person Alcyone in Kailua. I feel so lucky that I was able to get some good cleansing. I could do a whole post alone on Colonics - maybe that will be another day. Since I was on Oahu for a full week, I was able to fit in three colonics and boy do I feel better and I realize how full of crap we all are (and we don’t even know it) ALWAYS LIFE CHANGING to get good colonics - my only other amazing therapist is in San Diego - can’t wait to see her in the future!!
I took the red eye (which means a flight departing around 10pm at night) getting me into Seattle the next morning at about 7am. The flight went by fast to me, which is great! Instead of taking the light rail and ferry back to Bremerton, I took the Airporter (which cost a bit more, but it prevents me from needing to carry my luggage around the city) Since I had purchased a new surfboard in Hawaii - I had my hands full. Christine picked me up at the local bus drop off and I ran errands with her when I got back, had lunch and caught up. It felt so good to be back. Amazingly enough, the sun was shining all day, the trees and flowers are blooming - I couldn’t believe I was in the same state that I had left a month prior. When I left a month ago, there was snow all over the ground (lots of it).
Seeing the children and giving them big hugs solidified even more my decision for returning from the islands early. Wow - kids grow really fast! I had no idea, and I my heart melts every time I see them. Words can’t express how lucky I feel to be a part of this family. Ever since I met Christine in 1998, I always looked up to her. She was amazing to me then, and she still amazes me. How can someone keep their cool while raising a family - her husband Dennis is an amazing man, husband, and father. These two are always impressing me with how selfless they are with their kids and with me living here in their yard. I realize, I have lived in a very selfish way, but I also feel I created this way of living as a protective mechanism that I working on healing from. I moved out of my parents house when I was 16 years old and started living in my grandma’s basement. I didn’t ask for anything except for place to sleep and to have some peace and freedom - I remember my Nanny would cry and ask me if I was eating - she thought since I didn’t ask for money that I wasn’t eating food at school. I assured her that I made enough money from my jobs to take care of myself. I don’t remember much from my childhood, but I remember bits and pieces. I know I would constantly make my Nanny worry about me (which wasn’t easy to do)
Fast forward to me now, I realize that we don’t have to be on our own, but it is nice to find people that you feel safe and comfortable with. I now look back on my Navy time, and I realize that having a home to myself was my safe place to retreat for some peace and quiet after living all cramped up with hundreds of your co-workers all of the time. I guess in a way when I was on the Big Island with the other 15 people (sharing bathroom, kitchen, eating space, etc……) I was having flashbacks to being in the Navy and being around people that I may have not wanted to be around, or maybe doing the jobs that I really didn’t want to do made me uncomfortable?? I am not sure exactly what it was (probably a combination of things) but what it boils down to about why I came back early is - I want my freedom! I feel that by having my car and my camper here in Washington (even though I am living on my friends property) I feel so much more free here. This is what I have been desiring my entire adult life. Being at the retreat center on the Big Island made me feel like I was in the military again, and I hated the feeling.
I am proud I had the courage to speak up for myself to say what I was feeling, I lost my $400 deposit that all volunteers pay until they fill their 3 month commitment. I feel that is fine by me, I would rather lose the money than be stuck in more situations that I don’t enjoy. When I left, I had a few people tell me they would have left with me if they weren’t going to loose the money. Other people there were truly enjoying the experience. It is very fun to be able to have the freedom to try new experiences, new adventures and the greatest gift of the past month was the AMAZING people I had the chance to get to know. This to me is priceless and I will cherish those people for the rest of my life.
