Craving and Wanting
Oh the beauty of a quiet Sunday morning with nowhere to rush to & noting to prove, I am spending the morning reflecting on some feelings I have been experience lately as I read through my journals from the past couple of years for some wisdom.
It is nice and cozy in here this am, I am hooked up to shore power at my friends property - I have a tiny little heater (250 watts) in my camper and it is fabulous. It is amazing and knocking the chill out of the air and I feel very cozy after being outside in the nice brisk morning air. It has been a full week now since I finished my cat sitting duties on Bainbridge Island. Speaking of cat sitting, I was invited on the app I use to sit for another family for the Christmas and New Year holiday time period and I had to kindly decline. I realize that taking care of an animal is a big responsibility and kind of limits you in what you can do and where you can go. I am very thankful to have my little tiny space where I an stare at the stars very easily and let nature speak to me more openly. Disclaimer: I skipped school on Tuesday and Wednesday this week, the weather was so damn perfect and I took advantage of not having a test or practical in those two days of class to spend outside in the warm sunshine while it is here. I titled this post craving and wanting for a few reasons. I have noticed in the past week or so that even though I am so happy and satisfied with my life at the moment and feel very content, there is a bit of craving in my soul. I am doing my best to not "judge” myself for feeling this, however, it has been interesting to watch. I feel it is part of a habit cycle that I have been “trained” to feel. I have everything I need for my survival and a comfortable life, however, I feel that we always add on something else to crave and stay in the cycle of that is what we are used to. It could be another material object, it could be another accomplishment under our belt, it could be a romantic or physical craving, or it could be a craving for new knowledge and understanding of information. To be honest with you, in the past week I have experience craving in all of those departments and I felt it was a nice thing to share (makes me feel very vulnerable) but something I feel could be discussed.
Here is a post from my journal (circa 2017, I think) and I have to share that a lot of what I previously put in my journals was information that I read from somewhere and found it inspiring and I do not claim to say this information is my own, but I borrowed it all from many wise people.
2 people can grow up with the same life, they could have the exact same family, same experiences, same ups/downs and in the end; One of the two can use that life as a wake up experience and evolve and the other person could become sour, resentful, angry, and bitter.
Wherever you are given can wake you up, or put you to sleep - What are you going to do with what you have already? Your body, your speech, your mind…… Come to know yourself and make friends with your anger, self-depreciation, craving & wanting, or boredom. Hell = filled with self hatred, self protection, anger, and/or resentment. Heaven = crying, releasing things that don’t belong to us. There isn’t any hell or heaven except how we relate to our world. Hell is resistance to life.
Life work is to wake up, let the things that enter into the circle wake you up rather than put you to sleep. Be open, be curious, and develop some sense of empathy for everything that comes along - get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will.
