In Order to Change…
It has been said that by the time we are thirty five years old we are a hard wired set of habits and beliefs, I certainly can attest to this. Last year when I finished my twenty year career in the Navy, I felt stuck as a person that I wasn’t super stoked to be. On the outside, my life appeared to be normal and something that other people would probably “think” they would love to have. Not only had I traveled the world and had tons of cool experiences, I had a diverse set of skills that in the public eye seems very useful and worthy of saying “this is a good life.” However, underneath all of the surface of those external things (along with my beautiful good looks) HA HA….. I was very sad underneath all of the exterier show and honestly I didn’t know why I was so sad.
What I am slowly understanding about life on earth is that our SOUL never dies, however, we have many human existences or what you may call lifetimes that our SOUL has chosen to experience in order to evolve and learn and grow. Since I was a little girl, I have had many experiences where I felt alone with my feelings and I would express myself in certain ways that I couldn’t or didn’t understand at the time. I have always had this anger or fury underneath the surface toward anyone that tried to tell me what to do or control me and I would fight for my freedom in situations. As a young child this can cause lots of problems and even as a young adult trying to work in the military I was always having problems/conflict and getting in trouble. Before this past year when I was lucky enough to work with a healer in Seattle that has the ability to address past life energy, I just felt lots of shame because I have acted in previous relationships as well as my entire life when it came to relating with others. After our first month of energy training, I booked an individual appointment with her to address a past life that seemed to be interfering with my work in the energy training class. Once I got to her treatment room, she asked what I would like to work on in the session. My simple response was “I want to like myself more.”
Honestly, I am growing to understand this is the real goal of my life right now. I want to grow to like myself more and ultimately have self love that never fades. Well, this is no easy task I can assure you. My understanding is not only are we healing energy patterns and habits from this particular lifetime, we are carrying hundreds if not thousands of lifetimes of pain and suffering and habits that need to evolve and become more loving. What was uncovered in my first session with Daisy is that I was horribly tortured and killed in a past life for being a healer in that lifetime. Yeah, interesting isn’t it??? I didn’t ask lots of questions about the details of what she was sensing, because I guess I don’t want to know. But, I did have a massive release of sadness and this sadness wasn't just being released from me during this one session, but as 2018 continued…… each and every month when WE (my energy class) would meet for sessions - I would always have a massive release of tears sadness, frustration, and the list goes on of emotions that I had no understanding of, but I felt it was a safe and protected place to allow them to flow. (note: during these classes with Daisy, she is constantly working with our energy and I am certain that her work assist in the releasing of old energy patterns that no longer serve us in this lifetime)
I started this journey of understand in early 2018 and now in 2019, I am still avoiding my path as a healer because I am still not ready to step into the next “thing” whatever that means. My heart isn’t in it at the moment and I really want some adventure and exploration for now as I continue to uncover emotions and patterns and habits that I didn’t even know existed. I realize in order to truly change, I have to become aware of things that are subconsciously programed into my personality as “Terrish.” My soul is craving adventure and it all started last summer when I made the decision to sell my home and let go of a responsibility that I felt trapped and controlled by. Maybe feeling controlled is something that I still working on - I have my next appointment with Daisy on March 7th and I would like to bring up the past life for some healing as well as the Like myself request - I guess we can’t have to much support in learning how to like ourselves. I will be in Hawaii during this appointment and the great thing about energy healing is that it can be done from a distance. I would highly encourage anyone that wants to create more positive shift in their life to look into finding a energy healer that feels right for them - you can do it by starting with a google search in your area and seeing if they have reviews from clients and maybe scheduling an appointment with them. You may see the term Reiki in their credentials and that is something that I would recommend, but lots of energy healers have many skills in addition to using Reiki (life force energy)
What I have learned is that we are not here to win awards and get validation from the public or even our parents. We are here on Earth to learn and evolve our soul. From the outside your life may look shiny and pretty to other people, but from my understanding - that doesn’t mean shit if you are sad and miserable at the seat of your soul. My life was shiny and pretty and great looking to someone on the outside - but the truth is I was really sad, confused, frustrated and lonely on the inside. I feel a world better after a year of energy work and some deep soul searching through following my hearts desires that most of the time don’t make logical sense, however, I am feeling better and better each and everyday. Something that I am constantly reminding myself is that I have to forgive myself for making mistakes (now and in the past), I have to forgive myself for not being perfect (whatever the hell that means) and I forgive myself for being a learner in this lifetime. I also remind myself that is ok to stay I am sorry to those people I may have hurt during my lessons of life - but at a deep level of the soul, we all have a connection and love for each other. At a soul level, we understand that we are all here to learn, grow, and evolve.
In order to change, I understand that I have to first become very honest with how I truly feel. In order to change, I can’t pretend to others that everything is perfect when I feel empty. In order to change, I have to become aware of the habits that I have memorized that don’t make me feel good about myself. And lastly, In order to change, I have to love myself enough to do the work needed to learn to love myself.
